Just another post

Saturday and Sunday are the two days of the week I really look forward to.These are the days when I get to sleep as much as I like without worrying about the moment of truth...when I have to decide should I actually go for classes today or not. I am having one of the busiest phase of my life nowadays. I have two term papers to write. A couple of HWs to submit one of which was due three weeks ago. I have a my finals for which I have to study quite a bit.Most importantly I have my qualifiers from June 8.Added to that is the burden of my stupid thoughts and feelings...well not quite stupid may be. So as I spend most of this weekend writing the Turbulence term paper... and I have no idea what I am writing there. The only good things that has been refreshing me are the drive down to Philly, playing tennis(or should I term trying to play tennis?) and few nice dreams I had in my sleep......People keep telling me that how much time I waste by sleeping and this can only harm my prospects of becoming a successful graduate students. But little do they know for a person like me who is so deeply emotional, a bit cynical and almost never happy in the real sense of the term, how important sleeping is. Not to mention its a time of relief from all the stress and worries.But it is also the time for my dreams to rule supreme.Dreams in which I can be anything from the captain of Indian Cricket team to a Nobel Laurette.Where I can see myself getting straight A's in the courses or publishing papers in JFM or Physics of Fluids.Where I don't need to choose whether I will be a loved person or a loving person.In short its a place where there are no places for the words failure and incapability.So when I wake up, believe me or not I am quite refreshed and ready to start my life again....where I have to face the reality which perhaps only knows failure and incapability.

Problem is now when I really need to get some sleep so that I do not doze off in the class and start scribbling 'Sumerian script' in my notebook I am awake writing blog. Neither can I sleep nor can I do any of the things I put in the to do list given in the beginning of the blog.Why? I know the answer and few of the important people in my life know that too....but unfortunately none has the solution to that.The fact is that past few months in USA has changed me a lot.....it has made me more incapable to accept few harsh truths in life and move on with life.I just do not have any more courage to believe that failures are the pillars of success.I have lost that spirit to fight.....spirit to strive for a better future.So I am looking for inspirations everywhere.Perhaps looking for help to get me out of all this.Anyways its almost 6AM and I just might take a walk down to campus.It will be a bit refreshing I guess before the class.Hence putting an end to this story stating my frustrations....